Enough

"Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one."
"Hey coach, how will I know if I'm enough?"
"When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know."
 
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On Friday night at approximately 6:50 PM, I received a package from my school's mail room. Inside it were 51 copies (not 50, oddly enough) of "Ready or Not". This was the very first shipment of my very first album! A momentous occasion indeed, and a highly emotional one as well. It is a rather unusual feeling to see one's efforts so suddenly manifested in physical form. Shortly thereafter, I went out for Pad Thai with a female human who edits Wikipedia (yes, those do exist). She was understandably confused about why I was waiting at the rendezvous point holding a large box, smiling like I had just munched on a magic mushroom.

Other than the act of retrieving the albums and the delicious dinner that followed, there was nothing about the evening that was in any way out of the ordinary. As joyous as it was to hold the fruits of my labor for the first time, I felt no urge to celebrate. The somewhat anticipated sense of "I just won the game of life, so I don't have to give a fuck any more!" was entirely absent. So I proceeded to do what came naturally to me, what I have done every night for months: I sat on my chair and played guitar. I drilled technique, I learned songs written by my favorite progressive metal bands, and I continued to work on new material of my own.

Perhaps this instinct was caused by my somewhat reclusive nature; particularly of late, I have found that solitude is often a more natural environment for me than being with others. Perhaps it was caused by the feeling that, after all these hundreds of hours of practicing, "Ready or Not" is no longer representative of my best possible work. What I like to think is that I share a key characteristic with those at the top: the belief that the process of moving forward is more important than the milestones we pass along the way.

I feel I am enough of a man, and enough of a musician, now that "Ready or Not" has found its way into my hands, but only because I was enough before that happened.

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Week 18 total: 19 hours
Grand total: 439 hours
Required pace: 346 hours (+93)